An Apology and Thoughts on the Power "Story" in our LIves

I start today with an apology.  I do that because something was brought to my attention by a friend who reads my blog.

It's about the use of the word "should."

First a personal story:  My mom struggled most of her adult life with some level of depression and anxiety.  She did not show it much, but those who loved her knew how difficult life was for her sometimes.  At one point she sought counseling.  I believe it may have been during the time when my father was showing increasing symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease.  She was dealing with a lot, not the least of which was losing her life's partner, but also with many people telling her what she "should" do.  Most of the should statements either made her feel guilty or stupid, or sometimes both.  The power of that one little word and how it was used had an impact on her that was not conducive to helping her make good and informed decisions.  She found wisdom from her counselor and it came in the simplest of ways.  He told her one day, "Phyllis, should doesn't mean sh*&;t."  It hit home and she used that realization to help her understand that although the person using the word might not have meant to communicate that she was shirking responsibilities and/or was stupid she was reacting to it as if they were.  Let's be clear, some people did intend to communicate that message, but they were thankfully few.

So, what does this story have to do with this blog?  Well, it was a truth, spoken in love by a friend.  She pointed out that I was using that word maybe a little too frequently and/or in contexts that might sound judgmental.  That might turn people off and as a result what I was truly trying to communicate might be lost.  So, for those of you who have read my posts and have had a negative reaction to my use of the word should, I apologize.  My goal is not to judge but to provide information that I think is valuable for us all.  I will strive to communicate in future in ways that will provide you with information that will lead to truth as well as help us all learn and grow.  Maybe I'll try to figure out a way for my computer to sound an alarm when I type the word "should" so that I can read the context to determine if another word or phrase would be better. :-)

The power of "story" is demonstrated in this situation.  When we learn things that are communicated to us in the form of story we not only absorb more information, we also retain the information longer.  It can be used to enhance our world and make our lives a little more enjoyable and at times even a little bit easier.

However, after reading the book, Whoever Tells the Best Story Wins" I was reminded how anything that can be used for good purposes can also be used for bad purposes.

Donald Davis, a professional storyteller, and, if you ask me, one of our National Treasures, said once that it is unfortunate that "telling stories" has become synonymous with lying.  The power of story to help us make sense of the world around us is incredibly valuable.  The power of a story to help us understand another point of view is something we all experience even if we are not fully aware of what's happening.  And its impact cannot be minimized (I almost say "should not be minimized" but caught myself :-)

This is why two of the stories I tell my students are, The Three Little Pigs, followed by The True Story of the Three Little Pigs (which is told from the wolf's point of view.)  I do this for two reasons.  The first is to demonstrate "point of view" and the second is for them to learn about the process of "finding truth."

I usually begin by discussing with them what usually happens when a couple of them get into trouble.  The adult, usually the teacher or principal, will ask each of them to tell their side of the story.  They will listen to both and then decide what to do.  I then make the point that, let's face it, when we tell our side we do so in a manner that will show us in the best possible light.  It's human and we all do it, including me.

I then tell the stories and ask the kids, "So, who do you believe is telling the truth?"  I've gotten some very interesting responses.  One of my favorites is that the pigs are telling the truth because "it's in a book."  I then dramatically pull out the wolf's book and say that he's got a book too, so now what do you do?  We then look closer at the characters in order to make a judgment about what actually may have happened.  I don't tell them who is telling the truth I lead them to the facts so they can decide.

That's what I will try to continue to do with this blog.  I hope you will join me in this journey because as the proverb goes, "There is wisdom in many counselors."  Together we can discover what is true and what will lead us all to the happiness we  pursue.

Restoring honor starts here and, with God's help, it will not end with me.